This is a rough piano/vocal of a song I wrote with Steve Psyk. It's a song about empowerment and overcoming adversity. I envision this being sung by a female vocalist with a big, powerful voice.
I would like any feedback on the song (music and lyrics) before I spend any money on having a demo produced.
Thanks for the feedback Frank. I appreciate the comments and input. I don’t think your comments are negative at all. I feel that they’re constructive and helpful. My strengths are music and melodies. Painting visual images has always been something I’ve struggled with lyrically. I’ll think about what you’ve said and see how I can improve the song. Thanks again.
May 13, 2018
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Verse 1
I heard our song today and I just let it play
Guess I thought it would be just fine
If I sang along like there was nothing wrong
I must be out of my mind
Because I'm the one that's leaving this time
Chorus
You've taken everything that I've got to give
But this feeling I have in my heart
And now it's finally my life that I've got to live
Draw from the strength within
And start believin' in my dream
Because I've got to be somebody for me
Verse 2
I hold my hopes so tight...
Even though it hurts sometimes
When I think about, where my life is now
And where I want it to be
But I'm not ready to give up on me
Chorus
Time's taken everything that I've got to give
But this feeling I have in my heart
And now it's only my life that I've got to live
Draw from the strength within
And keep believin' in my dream
Because I've got to be somebody for me
Bridge
I was lost and broken
Going through the motions
But I've got no more excuses now
The doors are open
To the life I've chosen
I feel alive...
Chorus
Time's taken everything that I've got to give
But this feeling i have in my heart
And now it's only my life that I've got to live
Draw from the strength within
And keep believin' in my dream
Because I've got to be somebody for me
0
Hi Carlos, I think I finally got that you are telling us something about self-fulfillment. I had some difficulties to relate to your story, cause you keep things really vague and we don’t know what has happened to the singer in his relationship what makes him think this way and we don’t know what he is dreaming about. Some imagery could help to get better connected to the song.
I know from my own songwriting that we sometimes write a song from experience and we presume things the listener doesn’t know, it’s like a trap.
To make the song more memorable and to help to distinguish sections it would also be helpful to stay in the same rhyme scheme in the verses.
Musically I think the intro is a little bit too long and separation of the sections could be more clear, the chorus doesn’t stand out that much. I would suggest to stay in a lower register with the verse and go up only in the chorus.
If my feedback sounds a bit negative that’s not my intention, I just wanted to work out some points which from my point of view could be worth working on. Finally it’s your song and your decision. Keep on!
May 08, 2018
0
Thanks for the feedback Frank. I appreciate the comments and input. I don’t think your comments are negative at all. I feel that they’re constructive and helpful. My strengths are music and melodies. Painting visual images has always been something I’ve struggled with lyrically. I’ll think about what you’ve said and see how I can improve the song. Thanks again.
May 13, 2018
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Frank Renfordt
Hi Carlos, I think I finally got that you are telling us something about self-fulfillment. I had some difficulties to relate to your story, cause you keep things really vague and we don’t know what has happened to the singer in his relationship what makes him think this way and we don’t know what he is dreaming about. Some imagery could help to get better connected to the song.
I know from my own songwriting that we sometimes write a song from experience and we presume things the listener doesn’t know, it’s like a trap.
To make the song more memorable and to help to distinguish sections it would also be helpful to stay in the same rhyme scheme in the verses.
Musically I think the intro is a little bit too long and separation of the sections could be more clear, the chorus doesn’t stand out that much. I would suggest to stay in a lower register with the verse and go up only in the chorus.
If my feedback sounds a bit negative that’s not my intention, I just wanted to work out some points which from my point of view could be worth working on. Finally it’s your song and your decision. Keep on!
May 08, 2018
No members have liked this comment.